Musings in Search of a Muse

My Bible study guide has a "Think About It" question on just about every page. Here're my musings for "How do I want to grow?"

The first response I came up with was rather selfish – to learn so I can better control my own sinful ways. Pride makes me say that, as does fear and loathing. Pride, because I like to live up to the image that other people seem to have of me. Little do they know the darker parts of my being. Proverbs 16:17-19 gives me some clarity for handling this – “17The highway of the upright is to depart from evil: he that keepeth his way preserveth his soul. 18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. 19 Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.” The thought of Hell makes fear an equal component. Before I came to accept Jesus as my personal savior I knew the alternative, but I didn’t think of it that way. As for loathing, consider the first scripture to really “speak” to me, Romans 7:15 – “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Simply put, all three together help make my earthly life depressing, stressful, and disagreeable.

A better response was in my mind all the time because it is something I think about frequently – to learn so I can bring people into Heaven with me. Any success that I’ve had in the various jobs in my life has centered on helping others. Be it hospitality, teaching, listening, or just being there, I’ve helped people. Pride, fear, and loathing thwart this, though. I’ve seen the people’s faces when they’ve been “preached to” about God. When someone offers to share their story, though, they aren’t preaching. They are giving unconditional love. Compassion. They are helping.

So, risk looking like an idiot and distancing people by trying to help them into Heaven or don’t try and be "safe." I know what I should do, but I don’t do what I want to do. I do what I loath. Because of Pride. Because of fear.