Musings in Search of a Muse

The Song of the Day: From the Blues Brothers 2000 soundtrack album, "Let There Be Drums" by The Carl LaFong Trio. It's oh so short, but oh so good. One minute fifteen seconds of an awesome bass line making some sweet work on the skins even sweeter. I don't remember this tune from the movie so I may have to hop down to Blockbuster.

Wondering who The Carl LaFong Trio is? Me too. Nothing informative from the Web (and I won't name the search engine so I don't embarrass them despite the blazing 0.12 seconds it took to uncover 96 useless hits).

Peace & Prayers

Huh? Robbie Knievel is 42 years old? Cripes! I'm younger than that. Whooda thunk? And he has a grandchild!

Don't know Robbie? Well, he's not as famous (IMHO) as his father, Evel Knievel, but he just jumped his motorcycle over 5 or 6 military aircraft parked on the deck of the former U.S.S. Intrepid in New York City.

Job well done, Robbie! Stay safe. And keep showin' the kids how us old fogies can do it, too!

Maybe I'm using the SOD as a way of meeting my goal to Blog every day. I suppose I could write about what I did at work or something else in my life, but since no one is reading this anyway and I don't really need a record for posterity ...

So, the Song of the Day is "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich, from the album Horse of a Different Color. Yup, I downloaded another Country song. But if you could see the whole list of some 23 songs you'd notice that many are Instrumentals, Comedy, or closer to being Pop or Rock than traditional Country. No Roy Acuff, Johnny Cash, or the so-called Old School artists. Just heavy on Nickel Creek (bluegrass) and Charlie Daniels (mostly patriotic stuff).

The song's lyrics certainly mark it as Country (or redneck) and the video has the requisite horses, duded-up cow pokes, and such -- even a classic John Deere tractor. Otherwise it's a really a good Rock song. I'd be tempted to call it Rockabilly, but I don't get to pick the genre assigned to most songs. Some of the imagery in the video (iTunes has a high-quality one versus what you find at the CMT site) is a tad risque to go with the double-entendre in the title, I suppose and there are several references to alcohol (though not drugs). It's nothing I'd want to hear at a school dance, but fine for any responsible adult. My mom would probably enjoy it. You might, too.

Quick follow-up on the SOD from July 27th, "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West -- quite a few people at work were surprised that I listen to Hip-Hop. They don't know how little I listen to it with only a half-dozen tracks. But for a fairly conservative old white-guy like me to be caught with any made a few laugh and made one rather young man seriously re-evaluate me.

One lady I work with seemed disappointed that I listen to a lot of Christian music. I pointed out that there's ZZTop, Hendrix, Van Halen, and other groups not looked upon kindly by the Christian community on the iPod but it didn't help. Then I asked, "Do you like P.O.D. at all?" She said "Yes!" Then I told her to listen to them again, closely. They are one of Alternative's biggest Christian groups, just not overtly so.

Just goes to show, keep everybody on their toes and it's amazing what you can get away with. Peace & Prayers!

Almost forgot the SOD! Not like I plan a regular feature, but I do like to write even if it's true that nobody reads this danged thing. Anyway, the Song of the Day is "Boogie Chillen No. 2" by John Lee Hooker and Canned Heat from the album Hooker 'n Heat. It's eleven minutes thirty-three seconds of R&B-Blues heaven. The harmonica riff is fabulous. If anyone can stand still while this one is playing then Houston, we have a problem. Mr. Hooker is also famous for "Boom Boom" -- a song that was pitifully under-emphasized in the first Blues Brothers movie. At least it's on the soundtrack, along with with Mr. Hooker's "Boogie Chillun." One day I gotta buy that disc. Too bad it's not on iTunes.

Some friends of mine -- actually, my closest friends -- surprised me one day by telling me how much they love The Lord of the Rings books and that they looked forward to seeing the movies. This surprised me because they expressed concern that the Harry Potter book I was reading and that was being used in a class at the local school was against Christian principles. This was some time ago and since then I've had them over to my house to watch one of the Rings movies, discussed the books with them, and talked about the Chronicles of Narnia books that one of their daughters is reading (or having read to her -- I'm not sure which).

This came to mind as I was looking over some Websites while researching information for my previous Blog about G.P. Taylor's book Shadowmancer, the so-called "Christian Harry Potter" novel. One of the sites I visited interviewed a pagan about what attracted her to the Potter series and it got me thinking again about the anti-Potter bias in much of the Christian community. Oh! The Websites that I could list! Here are just a few that turned up in my initial search and I do not vouch for any of them: One, Two, Three. Okay, the latter site agrees with one of my concerns with the series that the main characters don't consult trusted elders when confronted with serious problems. Of course, if they did then the books would be rather short and boring. That's not necessarily a problem that is unique to the Christianity issue nor is it my main focus.

Instead let me "defend" Potter by looking at two things: Fantasy fiction and Clarke's Third Law.
The Potter series is Fantasy, that branch of Speculative Fiction (or, more commonly, Science Fiction), that usually involves witches, wizards, mystics, dragons, elves, werewolves, and that ilk. Other than Tolkien & Lewis mentioned earlier, some respected examples of the genre in print are Anne McCaffrey's The Dragon Riders of Pern; Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon; and Mary Stewart's Merlin series. Potter's author J.K. Rowling is in serious company here (and don't read anything into this list including all women ... it's coincidence).

What bothers some Christians are the words witches, wizards, and mystics. In Christian philosophy any power not directly from God is gained through some alliance with Satan. Granted. Consider, however, that in Fantasy evil is usually defeated (or substantially set back, in the case of a series of books) by the good or the righteous. So what is wrong here? Potter's nemesis, "He Who Must Not Be Named," is defeated in each and every book (sorry for the spoiler there).

Maybe it's where the characters get their power from? Hmmm ... Rowling doesn't say. There are magical folk (wizards, giants, werewolves, trolls, etc.) and non-magical folk (Muggles in the books). No distinction of good or evil on that basis. The wizards and witches (the only difference being, apparently, is gender) can be either good or evil. Same with giants and other magical folk. And some of the muggles are truly un-Christian while others are rather nice or at least behavior-neutral.

The issue most Christians and other critics miss, I feel, is intent, implied or inferred. What one does with his or her abilities, magical or otherwise. Another great fantasy character, Spider-Man, has had stories driven over the decades by the ethos that with great power comes great responsibility. This is one of the motivating factors behind the Framers of the Constitution and other followers of the example set by a leader of ancient Rome, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus -- and a motive of Harry Potter in the books. Maybe the emphasis on witchcraft is wrong and readers should be focusing on the more positive aspects of the books. Like all the children that have come to love reading because of the series.

One of these aspects can be examined through the lens of Clarke's Third Law, which states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." What if we find that all the abilities exhibited by the characters in the book are all technology-based, but it's such a seamless integration that we can't see the mechanisms. Yes, that is far-fetched, but the author of the "law," Arthur C. Clarke, is a scientist (inventor of the communications satellite) and an author of some rather good science fiction (remember 2001: A Space Odyssey?). Critics of the Potter series assume malevolence is behind the magic without any proof of same.

Bring in Occam's Razor at this point: "Pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate" (I'm making you look up that one if you don't know it). The Potter series are books of fiction whose existence, themes, ideas, and very nature can be interpreted or misinterpreted depending on your nature, ideas, beliefs, and knowledge. Examine these and then judge.

Let me sum up my opinion:

The books exhibit nothing that mark them as inherently diabolical. Nor do they directly support Godly positions. With this balance (for lack of a better word) it is very easy to read into them anything you want. For example, the second Website listed at the beginning of this blog entry asserts with absolutely no logical evidence that the character Harry Potter is homosexual. Give someone enough rope and they can make a noose. Or they can make something useful. It comes down to intent inferred, not intent implied.

What the Potter series is doing is helping the reader expand their imagination. Parents and other responsible leaders can help guide children along this path without applying an emphasis to the magic, but for the sake of the story not dismissing it either. Many of the ideas in the book can be reality. Some are very close now.

Take, for example, that which most intrigues me from the books: the idea of interactive paintings. Not just photographs in newspapers that appear to be full-motion video clips (an idea currently in development and shown in the movie Minority Report). The paintings along the walls in any building have full interaction with the "real" people around them and the other paintings near by. While the book purports the pictures to be "magical" (c'mon, it's part of the story), why can't we really do that? Why does it have to be magic? Watch the most recent movie and tell me that the idea isn't so cool.

My intent is not to convince you that you are right or wrong on any particular position regarding the Harry Potter universe. Rather, I hope that you will stay enlightend and open-minded while staying rooted in your Christian philosophies. Not a Christian? Why not? This posting is just a hint at the fun we have!! Take the first step and find out if you are good enough to be one.
(Hint: You don't need to be good, you just have to accept forgiveness.) Peace & Prayers!

Just finished reading Shadowmancer, by G.P. Taylor (Charisma House, 2004. 275 pages). By at least one account, this book is the Christian analog of the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling. Mixed reviews (here, here, and here) on quality debate the issue, but I feel there is no comparison. The Potter books are simply fantasy that have encouraged a new generation to actually read. Their author doesn't assert a stance on any religion by attributing the wizardly powers of her characters to any source, either diabolical or Heavenly. An article from the BBC recognizes this in it's assertion that "In fact there is very little religion at all in the books. But we can all see ourselves in the characters whether we are witches or not." (Look for more about this topic in another post to come.) Taylor's book bases it's plot on elements of Christian belief but renames them to make the book more appealing to those who would be offended by the themes in their correct guises.

True, it is strange that Rowling's characters celebrate Christmas, but so do many Buddhists, Jews, and other non-Christians, if only for non-religious reasons. That is sad as Christ is the reason for the season, but I think it illustrates why many Christians look toward literature like Shadowmancer -- a marked decline in moral values and/or sources for guidance on moral issues that is creeping into society. They hope that efforts like Taylor's will stop or slow this.

Does Harry Potter feed the decline? I think not. Intelligent people will take the the books for what they are (fantasy, like The Lord of the Rings, though more deliniated from our world) and parents who raise their children with a sound moral plan will have no problems. Will Taylor's book help to inhibit the decline? Again, I think not. It's not very readable and probably won't reach as wide of a fan base as Potter (I hope I'm wrong). Rowling's books make for better reading if only for the better writing. Taylor's book is also aimed at a youth audience (I'm 40-ish), but the Shadowmancer is overly complicated in places for young people, too predictable for anyone in others, and rather varied in it's overall quality. There were no clever bits of prose, ingenious phrasings, or memorable quotes. Each of the characters spoke as if they had one voice. In reading I could almost sense which sections were written when he was very tired. Tom Clancy's novels share this trait. Reading any of these you see that they start off with scenes and subplots written in minute detail only to have the ends of chapters and even the last chapter or two paced off in hurry as if they were only full-sentence outlines instead of polished prose.

What makes the Clancy novels popular despite this flaw and the Rowling books popular even without the better writing is an engaging plot. In most any novel we can assume that the protagonist is going to achieve some sort of victory and probably make it to the end of the book relatively unscathed (if only so the publishers can put out sequels). Shadowmancer is a pre-Armageddon tale mirrors the big event so we know the outcome, but getting there is dull. There is no real drama, the action sequences are as clear as coffee (two lumps & a little cream, if you will), and the transitions are poor.

Another issue is the poorly written characters. In Taylor's book I didn't really feel for them at all. Perhaps this is, in part, because I found it difficult to relate to life in 18th Century England. Well, no, that's not right. I know enough about the times to understand them and people haven't really changed in millennia, only their cultures and traditions. Ah! Taylor doesn't make us want to care. The characters have no real depth. They aren't seen as real people outside the plot or subplot. There is no insight into who they are as people. The best -- and only truly individual -- character in the whole book was an aged (probably 40 years, but that was old for the day) woman who operated a boarding house for miners. Extra care may have been put into her development as the character is the epitome of the novel's focus -- salvation regardless of one's sins. Her story was believable and touching.

All this said, did I waste $14.97 (on sale at my favorite local Christian bookstore or cheaper everywhere else) and a few hours time? Will I go see the movie? Will I read Wormwood, Taylor's next novel? Replies in order: No, but it was money better spent than wasting it on lottery tickets. Yes, I love movies in general and easily appreciate efforts that aren't popularly lauded. Probably, as writers generally improve the more they write. Not Clancy, it seems, but I still have almost all his novels. With luck G.P. Taylor will break that mold.

I'm listening to a video (and kinda watching it) called Hell's Best Kept Secret from Living Waters. Its making many really great points, but here's the best one:

If we preach the gospel as a means to simply improve someone's life it probably won't be effective. But if we teach the gospel as a means to salvation after death with the side benefit of improving your current life the success rate will dramatically improve. If we combine that approach with showing people how they've sinned and proving that Christ died for our sin (a point made earlier in the video) the results are even better.

Check it out for yourself by clicking here. You can also read the text, but the video has some great street preaching edited in to illustrate many of the points. The way this teaching runs through the 10 Commandments prove me to be a sinner. Praise be to God that I've been saved. I really do recommend that you check into this as there is just way too much to put here. Just watch the video all the way to it's end as there is a reward other than salvation (as if we need another one).

The rest of the Website it pretty cool, too. I will admit, though, that the newsletter that shows up in my e-mail box usually just gets a cursory glance. Every now and then something really grabs me so it is worthwhile.  Peace & Prayers

Once more pictures in the media show hooded terrorists reading lists of demands, promises, and threats; Boasting of what they have done and will do if others don't bow to their will. If they are so proud then why don't they show themselves? Cowards. And shame on some of them for saying that they are fighting in the name of Allah. It was wrong for the Crusaders, it was wrong for the Pope's armies, and it's wrong today. Men who embrew their hands in the blood of others in the name of God are no men of God.

Some time ago -- shortly after 9/11 -- the mock-news site The Onion published an "interview" with an angry God who was tired of people fighting in His name. Despite finding funny myself, many people were upset at this "sacrilege." I think they missed the point, however, that our Father is a loving deity. After all, he sent his only son for our salvation. Peace & Prayers.

Song of the Day: "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West, from the album The College Dropout. Usually, I don't care much for HipHop or Rap. Sure, I've got some Eminem because of the rather intelligent lyrics, but the seemingly repetitive rhythms and melodies (when they exist) in most songs of the genre are a turn off. Mr. West's lyrics are somewhat derivative, but the bass line is intoxicating and the message is refreshing compared to what is normally heard in music of this type. There is other Christian HipHop on the market, but nothing like this song.

I found this on iTunes (and there's a version with profanity) but I didn't like the other offerings there from the same artist. Much of it sounded fairly typical and was loaded with profanity. "Jesus Walks" might have been a one-shot at a Christian-themed song considering the lyrics in his other songs. But it sounds like Mr. West has talent (MTV's Web site has a glowing biography that backs this -- and two versions of the video for "Jesus Walks") so I plan on watching for more releases.

More about the Christian Fish Symbol:
History of the Christian Fish Symbol "The 'Greek' connection, #2

The Greek symbol for Alpha, the first letter of the Greek alphabet, looks very much like the fish symbol.

Rev 22:13 'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.'
Rev 1:8 'I am the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.

Song of the Day: "Smoothie Song" by Nickel Creek, from the album This Side. First time I heard it I was impressed. Second time I heard it I was awed. Third time I heard it I knew that it was proof for the skeptical that God does exist. Imagine a Bach toccata with a mandolin, a guitar, a bass fiddle, and a few other non-electric stringed instruments and a bluegrass twist. The layered blending of motifs is extraordinary.

Watch the music video here and then go download the song into your iPod.

Oh! And Nickel Creek has some other great music, too. Well worth buying.

Wanna hear a pretty funny song? Check out "Captain's Daughter" from Tree of Shadows. It's on the album Pause and you can get it at Amazon.com or click here to learn more. Might not be 100% suitable for children, but it's amusing in a nearly 100% clean way. Nothing I'd be afraid to let my mom or Bible study buddies listen to. It quickly became a popular song on my iPod.

My New iPod Mini 
 
Well, a clever depiction from the Apple Web site. Yes, mine is blue and it has Psalm 100:2 laser-etched on the back (wish the whole verse would fit. Can you figure out why I chose that one? Not just the pun about verses.
 
A survey at the Newsweek Web site asked "Has the iPod changed the way you listen to music?" I answered Yes! even before mine arrived. I love iTunes! Get it soon!
 
Of course, the first music I listened to was P.O.D.'s song Eternal, from the Payable On Death album.
 
Got enough links? How about one more -- Check out Picasa which helps me post the pictures on this site. And clicking on the funny little graphic below the picture will take you to the Hello site.

This is me. Hi!

Apple launches longer life iPod: "Apple has launched a new version of its best-selling iPod digital music player.
The new iPod is cheaper than previous models, while battery life has been substantially improved." Just when my iPod mini is about to be delivered. Really, I would have waited and spent another $50.00!

CBS' Super Bowl Scrimmage: "A Federal Communications Commission panel has recommended a $550,000 fine against the Eye or $27,500 a pop for 20 CBS stations that broadcast Jackson's Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction" So CBS was responsible, not the producer of the half-time show? Or the performers who perpetrated the incident? Yeah ... Blame the stations.

And how bad was it compared to the advertisement aired during the same broadcast for a pill that enhances male erections ("Erections lasting more than four hours may be serious." Cripes! -- make your own joke, but -- Cripes!). I wonder which question was heard most -- "Was there a bare breast for three-quarters of a second?" or "Daddy, what's an erection?" or "Who won the game? We were too busy replaying something on the TiVo."

To paraphrase a song, "Where have all the morals gone? Long time lacking! Where have all the morals gone? Society takes a hacking." Peace & Prayers

`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º> (Hmmm ... the fish!)

Oh! I meant to put in a prayer list. Well, I really shouldn't be putting in names, but if you could remember my boss as he struggles with his job and health, a young co-worker who may be facing diabetes very early in his life, and another co-worker in her battles with emotional distress. Pray that they come to the Lord and accept his comfort and guidance in solving their problems. I've talked faith with each to some degree and some don't have their original zeal. Thanks!

Any relationship needs a "glue" to hold it together. My Bible study guide (no, I'm not tired of writing about it .... skip to the next entry if you have to) asserts that intellectual, emotional, and willful commitments bind us to Christ.
 
I don't know about you, but my belief in Christ came as a matter of pure faith -- a decision to believe without question. My readings to that point (such as The Demonologist: The Extraordinary Career of Ed and Lorraine Warren by Gerald Brittle) led me to intellectually believe in Hell and Satan, but not Christ. It wasn't until I made an emotional commitment shortly after the death of a friend that I thought myself to be a believer. Now I make a willful decision each time sin confronts me.
 
Certainly intellectual proof of divinity is constantly sought as people pray for signs, portents, and obvious miracles. This can be seen in the multitudes that flock to any reflection, optical distortion, or other phenomenon that is labeled as the image of Christ or other biblical figures. What we seldom see is the spontaneous emotional component that sustains this proof to repeated acts of willful commitment. Prayer itself is a form a belief, but it can easily be misguided or used selfishly. The it enters into hokery.
 
So if it's this difficult, why did Jesus die for us? He died for our sins past, present, and future, as long as we put our faith in him. God intended this to be a continual reminder. I Peter 3:18 tells us this -- For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.  After all, how effective would God's message have been if Jesus simply caught a donkey back out of town and waived goodbye? ("Bye, everyone! I should be back in about three days!") Death is something that catches our attention because everyone fears it to some degree, no matter how strong their faith.
 
How strong is your faith? Peace & Prayers

What would you do for a Klondike Bar? I'd give up banana splits. In fact, I probably have. Sure, I kinda had one recently, but it was nothing compared to a Klondike Bar.
 
Now I just need cake. Today is my little girl's birthday. No, she passed away (as you may know), but I usually take her some roses on her birthday. I knew about it this morning. I knew about it this afternoon. I forgot to stop on the way home. My little 9-year old Lydia Rose. We're talkin' 4th grade.
 
But I'm home alone. Watching a great TV show, certainly, but alone. :::::sigh:::::

Another question from my Bible study guide: Who do you say Jesus Christ is and why? My thoughts mirror Revelation 1:8 ("I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.") Jesus is my savior and Lord. He is the source and end of my being. A brother and a friend. A father and a confident. Both my conscience and the source of my consciousness.
 
I just need to remember all this much more often.
 
Maybe I don't hear the voices that remind me of this. Anyone who has read this blog (other than me ... raise your hand(s)) may recall that I "hear voices" that put inappropriate thoughts in my head, especially when I'm trying to behave. Not good for one who is easily persuaded and led. Why aren't I hearing the "good" voices? I know they are there.
 
Makes me think of a novel that a good friend lent to me. I forget the name and author (really, though, it was good), but I remember the premise. Angels and demons do have interactions with people, though not always on a perceptible level. A demon may, for example, clamp it's hands on someone's ears to prevent them from hearing the Word or stab it's sword at an ankle to make someone trip. Angels have the same power in the book, by the way, and both are empowered by the sins (in the case of demons, obviously) or prayers (for angels, of course) by people.
 
This struck a chord with me because, as you may recall, I've long believed in demonic influence. I'm just grateful to the Lord that I've come to believe in Heavenly power, too. Here's praying that you have.

And now for something completely different ... News! Congressional Representative Corinne Brown (D-Florida), known for charged comments, today announced that the Republican party stole the presidential election in 2000, effectively staging a coup. Don't look for this in the news yet, though NBC's evening news did have a story on it. But on a straight party line vote her inflammatory remarks are being stricken from the Congressional Record. I suppose Rush Limbaugh will have something to say on this over the next few days (weeks, months, etc. ... He knows how to beat a dead horse, doesn't he?).

What is important, though -- and this just struck me the other day -- if the Democrats are really this upset and really of this mind, then why haven't they tried to do something about it? The Constitution can be amended, after all. Rid it of that pesky part about the electoral college!

Article II Section 1 Clause 2: "Each State shall appoint, in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or Person holding an Office of Trust or Profit under the United States, shall be appointed an Elector." See Amendment XII

Here's another "Think About It" from Bible study. "How can I discover my spiritual gifts?" Practice, practice, practice. Wait, that's how you get to Carnegie Hall. I would suggest asking God for advice. Another way is to follow the dictum of the '60s: If it feels good, do it. Just make sure it's not a sin. I enjoy writing so maybe that's a gift that I can use in service to God. Also, ask others. Just make sure it is positive criticism they give.

Jesus said "If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour" (John 12:26). God will always love us. Even if we don't follow the rules. In that case we aren't likely to receive his gifts, though. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want both.

Matthew 22:34-39 tells us that there are two choices we must make if we are to be effective in useful service. Love God with all your heart & Love others as you love yourself.

From the King James Version

34But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together. 35Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, 36Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. 39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Feels good to Blog again. Every day I look at the icon and shy away from it. Not sure why, but it may be due to general lethargy, a tendency to procrastinate, or ... I dunno. Lot's of things. But I plan on posting more often as I write things for my Bible study group. Hope no one minds the "proselytizing." Peace & Prayers!

My Bible study guide has a "Think About It" question on just about every page. Here're my musings for "How do I want to grow?"

The first response I came up with was rather selfish – to learn so I can better control my own sinful ways. Pride makes me say that, as does fear and loathing. Pride, because I like to live up to the image that other people seem to have of me. Little do they know the darker parts of my being. Proverbs 16:17-19 gives me some clarity for handling this – “17The highway of the upright is to depart from evil: he that keepeth his way preserveth his soul. 18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. 19 Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.” The thought of Hell makes fear an equal component. Before I came to accept Jesus as my personal savior I knew the alternative, but I didn’t think of it that way. As for loathing, consider the first scripture to really “speak” to me, Romans 7:15 – “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Simply put, all three together help make my earthly life depressing, stressful, and disagreeable.

A better response was in my mind all the time because it is something I think about frequently – to learn so I can bring people into Heaven with me. Any success that I’ve had in the various jobs in my life has centered on helping others. Be it hospitality, teaching, listening, or just being there, I’ve helped people. Pride, fear, and loathing thwart this, though. I’ve seen the people’s faces when they’ve been “preached to” about God. When someone offers to share their story, though, they aren’t preaching. They are giving unconditional love. Compassion. They are helping.

So, risk looking like an idiot and distancing people by trying to help them into Heaven or don’t try and be "safe." I know what I should do, but I don’t do what I want to do. I do what I loath. Because of Pride. Because of fear.

The duality that the wicked are punished and the just are rewarded is evident in prayer. When a child misbehaves then he or she should be punished. Hopefully, the punishment fits the deed. Maybe they have to give up cookies for a week for not cleaning up their room. If we as God’s children misbehave by sinning then we are punished. I can’t help wondering what sin I committed that God did not answer my prayers to spare my daughter’s life. It’s a matter of faith; it’s a matter of faith.

It is often said that “The Lord answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is ‘No’.” God answered Elijah’s prayers for dry weather then rain because it suited His overall plans, not just Elijah’s plans. It suited the Lord to take my daughter to Heaven. The answer to my prayers was clearly “No.” But my pleas for some comfort and strength to bear the burden were answered a resounding “Yes!” The ways of our Father are mysterious indeed (pun intended). But He does have our best interests in mind if we are dutiful and obedient children.

So I still wonder ...

The text above is adapted from my Bible study preparation. I've found that the process is very introspective. We have God's word in print (though translated countless times), but His real meaning comes from within us. I have the answer to my speculation right here. I know it. I feel it. Now if only God will say "Yes" when I ask to have it revealed.