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Rednecks

According to Jeff Foxworthy, you Might Be A NASCAR Redneck If. . . . . .

• You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentleman start your engines!"....
• You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida....
• You've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot....
• You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures....
• You have the word NASCAR in your wedding vows....
• You go to a stock car race and don't need a program....
• You have a lifesize cutout of Dale Earnhardt in your Living Room....
• You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series....
• Your favorite NASCAR souvenir was a direct result of a crash in turn three....
• You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights....
• You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary....
• You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are....
• You think the most effective form of advertising is on the side of a car going 200 mph.....round and round and round....
• The word "Bank" makes you think of turn three at Daytona....
• Your wife's nickname is "Lugnut"....
• You've spent more time on the top of a Winnebago than in one....
• You know the "Back way" to Talledega....
• You can change a tire faster than you can change a diaper....
• You hit the wall when Earnhardt hits the wall....
• You make engine noises while watching racing on TV....

I guess people at work forgot it was National Talk Like a Pirate Day and it was NASCAR all around. Something tells me I live far too close to the Mason-Dixon line -- about 70 miles, actually.