A Sincere Apology
Humble mistakes are common and seldom merit an apology, however when such errors are committed with some frequency and full knowledge of the consequences then an apology is seldom sufficient.
What I have done falls somewhere between these extremes but I feel the obligation to express my regrets nonetheless. Therefore ...
Deep and prolonged lamentation will not suffice for the disgrace I have committed in once again subjecting you to the ill-filled promise that is called Diet Mountain Dew. Please consider, though, my dear taste buds, that if I had intended harm I would have directly imbibed Diet Fresca. It was my sincerest attempt to balance your esteemed needs with the best wishes of my physician.
However, I have once again learned my lesson and will henceforth treat you with only the pure, refreshing taste of original Mountain Dew. And not from a fountain where the mix with local water and poorly regulated carbonation units despoil the experience with surprising exactitude. No, I shall now and forever more partake of the beverage on which the gods on Mount Olympus must have bequeathed the name Ambrosia strictly via glass vessels, aluminum containers, or as needed, the common PET receptacle, in order of least effect on the otherwise ineffable taste.
Oh! Would that I have a firkin of such delight with me anon, my dear buds, to quench your desire and cleanse the palate of this despicable near mimic. Alas, such a palliative is far from nigh, but I do promise to supply the remedy as soon as distance to a suitable beverage purveyor and the lack of funds can be conquered.
As always, Your Servant ...
